Set off with no particular directions

Oh heeeey today and more acutely tonight.  I've felt you before, worse and myself weaker.  Been a while though, what was it that set you off? Simply a seed planting thought, a song lyric singing and a gut wrenching feeling of course.  To describe you would be to know you fully, I am not there yet.  You're familiar enough to acknowledge, more than just an acquaintance.  Still your existence, your very root cause is a stranger to me.  I cannot know more to you than what I have only chosen to see.  But you're here today and tonight and I cant ignore it.  With every time you surface I change.  Feelings take hold of my mind and a direction is set, either slightly stronger or much much weaker.  That is the end result however, getting there are the hours and minutes of pure confusion.  Lost.  For now, that's all I have to call you.  So lost it swells my eyes with unchartered waters and hollows my stomach to unfathomed caves. You appear on days like these which remind me of the miles and the crevasses I need to cover. Unable to tread the water, I sink.  Unable to keep the cave vaulted, I stray.  Absent and not in the room because I am so far far away from everything.  Set on automatic forfeit you replace me.  You used to take over all of me for weeks and that is how I recognise your antics and your results.  Albeit frightening at times, in opposition to hiding or running away in avoidance, I'm glad to have met you.  Your visits are becoming less frequent because your lessons are more prominent.  So I sit with you all day and now at night as almost friends.  But I get to choose my life, love and friends, this you also remind me of.  Lost but capable to change directions.