Drilling holes into the present tenses

So don't listen to your heart

Listen to your soul

Listen to your common senses

I've been battered like a storm

Been run into a wall

Been vaulted like a row of fences

Don't be surprised

When those wide eyes

Drill a hole into the present tenses

You should cherish even more

The things that make us raw

Stay loyal to the consequences 

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We don't know each other
Even if we did it's under the cover
Won't let me in
The coalition of one
Complacent pathos
Electric chaos
Enchanted disaster
I read your karma
Yet you're blind to my writing
With heart hiding
Goodbye
Turn a blind eye
What will be will be
Om Shanti
For now, today
Namaste.

when the reward is greater than the risk

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Far up in the North,

The nights can be so dark.

Biting cold takes its toll on the body.

Grýla casts her spell,

In the depths of the mind,

Damaging happiness and the joy of life.

Hope and faith, Don't you fail me now.

Hope and faith, Come and warm my heart.

Hope and faith, Fill me up with strength.

Hope and faith, Shine down with bright light.

Hope and faith, Give me back my joy.

Hope and faith, In the dark night.

People waste their time with triviality,

Leaving what's important for someone else.

My advice to you: Hide your head in the snow.

Try forgetting everything -

The things you should know.

Ásgeir - Head In The Snow

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“People don’t realize that now is all there ever is; there is no past or future except as memory or anticipation in your mind.” Eckhart Tolle

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Sometimes common knowledge is neglected to such an extent that when we hear it again we think it's a miraculous means to take us back to our default settings and ultimately elucidation of all that is effecting us, albeit momentarily. The thing about common knowledge and the likes of "divine" phrases is that they don't do much besides put you back in the present.  The now.  Why did we ever leave the now?  At what stage in your short life do you actually want to be living; the past, unchangeable or the future, illusive? 

“As soon as you honor the present moment, all unhappiness and struggle dissolve, and life begins to flow with joy and ease. When you act out the present-moment awareness, whatever you do becomes imbued with a sense of quality, care, and love – even the most simple action.”

I attempted this.  Last night.  There was so much of the past I wanted to hash up and question yet I held my tongue and my thoughts. I wanted to explore and express the future (mine, yours and ours) but I needed not to, so I didn't. Want and need are polar opposites.  You want to look back in the past, you want to look into the future, but you really just need to not want. 

I hid my head in the snow, tried to forget everything I know - the things I should [wanted to] know. 

When the night was done and closer to day, so was I.  

Then the now begun not colder but okay, so pause try. 

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She was but she wasn't there. He is but he isn't near. 

She listens but it's rare.  He talks but doesn't care.

The light, the noise. The dark, the poise.

In suspension

Stiff Gentian

Summer, it misconceives

Inalienable pairs of opposite leaves

Building up the wall

Blue violet during the fall

It's the small hours

Distinguished by its peculiar flowers

That cultivates to assume
They're the last to remain in bloom...

The Sun a Souvenir

So now her heart's

A mirror from the start

Evacuates the empty space that grew between them

He holds her near

The sun a souvenir

A final time to reminisce before they bridge burn

We need to bridge burn,

Both comical and enlightening, I held the end of the hose to my eye, with a slight swivel of the pressure snout I was drowned by a force that violently peeled back my eyelids. 

Weekends at uShaka... I knew you would be cleansing in a youthful innocence kind of way.  Drenched and knowing not even the fish could see my hot cheeks, I scrubbed.  I scrubbed that nemo plantroom like I was burning bridges.  I guess that is what I'm doing, most of the time anyway.  Always,  I remember you.  Slow down,  try to tell the truth.   Truth being, I don't have a love for fish or cleaning.  I have a non-love for time spent doing nothing else but thinking of you.  This is my own adventure.  These are my own choices and the shore, the shore - it is a metaphor.  For sure. 

We need to bridge burn. 

buckling

"Write hard and clear about what hurts." Ernest Hemingway

I write when life gets too hard and unclear.  It's getting harder to hold onto the reasons.  It's in the distance now, fading memories with morning light, over and over, further and further.  I'll admit that I'm lost somewhere in this war, but there is only one option and how difficult it is to express what the revolution will be. 

To know or not to know - that is really the question.  It hurts either way.  "Courage is grace under pressure."  My grace is choosing not to know and when that's on the verge of being tarnished by knowledge, I have to be strong.  I think when you go through a breakup, curiosity of human nature is what destroys you.  "A man can be destroyed but not defeated."  The revolution is courage. 

So buckle up, it's going to be a long night ahead of you.  A night which you will stay awake with burning eyes and tired thoughts only to watch the skies turn in colour and the stars disappear.  But the sun will rise and if it doesn't open your eyes, wipe your tears and rather let the cloudless courage be.

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Without much thought;

I am guilty

Even in the darkness there is a shadow

Not a breath but a sacrifice

An offering with no reprieve

Nor light nor truth

Nor heart

Nor sound

Even in the emptiness there is deception

Although you are away,

I am alone.

speed bumps

Choices in life. What does that even mean to me? Paths, meetings, serendipity, fate, forks, right versus wrong.  At whose standards? Our own, when we don't even know anything? Society, when we despise it? Intellectuals, writers, and gurus - they're all setting standards. But nothing in life is set. Open your mind, open your heart, be raw. Close your mind, guard your heart, it's all a war. It's all just a cycle anyway.

Happiness isn't everlasting.

To know what happy is, you need to compare it to sad.

The pursuit of happiness is what keeps us choosing.

You say if you would date anyone it would be me.  

You don't get to choose me. 

Uncanny wasn't a choice.  It just happened. Life happens. It builds itself up and breaks itself down. Cycles. 

You say you'd want me, but you choose not to action this. 

You say you'd choose me, but your actions are not what I want. 

I'm waiting but I’m not waiting to be available when you want to choose.    

  My stillness is my dancing.  My darkness is my light.  

You don't get to take that away from me once you eventually and selfishly have chosen.

I don't want you to be sad but I want you to be happy.  

You need to learn that comparison. This path you're on, it's your own.  

I'm not even an option. I'm not there; I'm not available at the precise moment when the cycle pauses.  Don't come to me when you're happy before the sad starts again.  Come to me when you've done a full circle, a few full circles and have learnt the comparison between sad and happy.

So choose, but not now. "Wait without thought, for you are not ready for thought", and neither am I ready nor wanting to be a choice.  

  Sadness is raw, feel it - don't mask it. 

             Happiness is raw, feel it - don't abuse it.

It's the in-between that is hard. 

The space between feelings.  Neither here nor there, no speed-bump to startle you into making or remaking a choice. The in-between is when you don't have to consciously think about the choice, it happens anyway.  Only when your subconscious makes a "bad" choice do you have to assertively make an effort to get over the "speed-bump".  

You fail when you are just you in the hard place. 

Not happy not sad, in between. 

How many times do you want to fail? Are you a good person, subconsciously? If you don't mask the sadness and you don't abuse the happiness your subconscious will be smooth driving.