sometimes science makes you irrational.

I know I'm only 24 years old and my quarter life crisis is only scheduled for next year (six months actually) when I get cut off from my disposable income aka pocket money. At 25, your frontal lobe fuses. I kind of feel like mine fused a long time ago but not entirely in the sense it should have... But nonetheless here's some background information about your frontal lobe. The thing that is making you grow the fuck up:

"The prefrontal cortex (PFC) is located in the very front of the brain, just behind the forehead. In charge of abstract thinking and thought analysis, it is also responsible for regulating behavior. This includes mediating conflicting thoughts, making choices between right and wrong, and predicting the probable outcomes of actions or events. This brain area also governs social control, such as suppressing emotional or sexual urges. Since the prefrontal cortex is the brain center responsible for taking in data through the body's senses and deciding on actions, it is most strongly implicated in human qualities like consciousness, general intelligence, and personality. Medical studies have shown that the PFC is the last section of the brain to mature. In other words, while all other brain regions are fully developed early in life, its development is not complete until around age 25." http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-the-prefrontal-cortex.htm

Okay, so bearing that in mind - preferably your frontal lobe. Why at age 24, are all the hard hitting questions I've been hit with (for lack of a better word) appearing to be of urgency. Like, of immediate attention! I simply, cannot handle another six months of incessantly uncertain thinking, planning and "finding" my calling. 

A calling. According to various websites, dictionaries, and blog posts, it is work that gives you immense satisfaction. You wouldn’t necessarily even want to be paid for it. A passion fueled by determination and natural talent.

But what is our purpose in life? Is it something that stems from one’s beliefs? But how do you form your beliefs? Aren’t your beliefs based on the knowledge you have at any given point of time? And if that is so, shouldn’t they change as you grow, as you are exposed to new ideas, thoughts and people? And if your beliefs change, then doesn’t your purpose in life also alter in direction?

So, how do we say that a calling is something constant and tangible? Within our reach if you will? That somehow you know, or a switch flips and BAM! you realize this one thing is what you're supposed to be doing with your life, ultimately what you have been born to do. Isn’t it all based on where you are at any given moment of time in your life.  Taking in all that you have learned about yourself and your surroundings.  Is a calling defined by what you feel is the best you can do with your talent, time, energy, and expertise - but only at this moment in time? Is a calling something that developed and progressed, whether it be known or unbeknown to the callee? (if that is even a word, predictive text didn't correct it, so I'm assuming it is). Do we go our whole life (up to the age of 25), fostering this talent and specific skill set until, finally our brain is mature enough to realize what it's worth? This is a generalization, and there are few to many anomalies to my theory. The lucky ones, who discover "their calling" way before science and bodily changes prompt them to. 

I get it. Life. I mean, at least I think I do. Explore, experience, question, learn, love... live. I know that you cannot fully explore if you're not willing to take risks. You cannot experience if you are not willing to try. You cannot question if you do not question yourself. You cannot learn if you do not explore, experience or question. And you cannot love if you are not willing to let someone else ask the questions for a change, someone else "in" per say, to explore and experience and love. And ultimately you cannot live if you have not loved. Cliche but true. You cannot live if you have not loved another or yourself. And the way to love oneself is to have explored, experienced and questioned oneself within and within one's surroundings. It has taken a good 24 years to touch on the surface of life as an ascertainable "thing". 

That's just it though. It's just the surface. There is more to my current life, I just wish it would miraculously come to me as a "light bulb" moment. This calling of mine (Which I believe, everyone does have their own calling to "respond" to.) 

Until then, I will keep exploring, experiencing etc... Keep on trucking on. Making mistakes, realizing that practice is actually quite important and positivism is essential. Not saying you should fake it till you make it, I actually despise that saying. Rather ask questions you fakers!! But rather, be grateful for where you are at this moment in your life. Even if 25 looms in the near distant future, and society does believe you should have found yourself or I'd go as far as to say having found "yourself in society" Damn that calling idealism!!  It's not what you do, it's who you are. And if you can be who you are within and while you do what you do. Well, you're a winner. Congratulations, I hope you didn't rush into things, get married too early, develop a hatred for Aids orphans, wish you had never accomplished that Noble Peace prize, are head deep in all your money and investments only to realize, at 25, that in fact this is not who you are.  Ah man, "the frontal lobe fuse" might fuck you over. Good Luck with that.

I have six months.