Let Him Go, Let Him Be

His eyes smiled at her with the warmth of a home and a sweetness of thousands of hello's.  The wrinkles in the corner whispered years ahead of encouragement in learning. Eyelashes fluttering continuous waves of love and tenderness but mostly protection.  Capable of tears, yes, capable of closing yes, capable of irritation redness diseases, yes.  But these eyes were looking at her, really looking. She met his eyes with hers and they were locked in commitment, compassion and both curious at the comfort of each other.  
Oh how a girl can dream.  
My eyes have been closed far too long, that when I do make eye contact with anyone I actually break out in sweat, buried alive in social anxiety and begin to burn my cheeks red with doubt.  To avoid the concluding give away, an awkward panic, a glazed distant shell, I look away.  In the hope that the focus will be taken off my transparent infected soul. 
But I am so aware of this, almost too aware, that I am now able to treat it before the outbreak becomes contagiously unbearable.
It is not my eyes but my mind.  It is not my seeing but my thinking. Much like breathing soothes my thoughts, much like sitting stills my heart rate, efforts are required to break this bad habit and unbind and un-blind myself.  I am a lovingly strong woman.  My eyes should display this in a single glance to whomever I see.  Gateway to the soul they say, the only person who says my soul is broken is me.  On the other side of my vision is something completely different to my inner thoughts. It's about time I see myself that way. 
To the ex, the stranger and the familiar.  To the intimidating, the less fortunate or the potential date. 
Figuring out why I am still struggling to heal is a daily awakening. 
There have been beginnings to an understanding that keep arsing.
Signs, symbols and pelvic yoga poses catching my thoughts and emotions
I need to let him go. 
Saying I have or I can is the easy part, it's the wanting that keeps my eyes shut tight.
Engaging in a new possibility makes me feel like I will lose my past possibilities. And I'm still quite attached to how I wanted my life to be back then, nothing and no one new coming into my circle.  My mind screams that I cant let anyone in, from acquaintances to friendships, because it will take from me what I had on reserve for him. 
Extremely unhealthy and utterly depressing.  This way of thinking has left me crippled. In actual fact I have nothing in my reserves and I'm only fooling myself if I think I can share something that is not there. Delusional.  Even if he had looked, the sad thing is that, he wouldn't have seen anything.  
So I must make eye-contact and I must simultaneously let him go.  As hard as it gets because then it can only get better.   I cannot force him to look at me, to see me with smiling eyes and I cannot change what he has, currently does, or ever will see when he looks at me.  As those are his eyes not mine.  
The same goes for everyone I meet.  I sweat and get social anxiety because I panic at the thought of not being in control of what the other person sees. Forgetting I am a lovingly strong woman who can only control her own eyes. 
So are you listening eyes?  Not to my thoughts that spew doubt but my heart of strength and resilience.  Not to my thoughts that stage me in a certain way but my core center beaming out through my eyes with an abundance of and for always love.
I blink but now my eyes are open and they cannot un-see life this way. 

Author: Elyane Youssef

Title: Let Him Go, Let Him Be

I know how hard it seems to be without him,

and I know how awful it is to let him go.

He was your home, your soul mate.

But sometimes, we need to evacuate when the fire alarm goes on,

we need to leave our home or else we’ll die burning.

Leave your home.

Leave your soul mate.

You came into each other’s lives so you can slap each other awake,

so you can awaken and open what’s been closed inside each both of you.

Now that you have accomplished your mission,

let him go,

let him be.

Don’t you claim that you love him?

If you really do, you must unlock your chain that’s wrapped around his soul.

I know it’s difficult to believe that you won’t ever again be present in his life, but

sometimes love means letting go.

Are you in love with him, or do you love him?

because if you are in love with him, you will need him, however,

if you love him, you will set him free.

Sometimes love means letting the other person be and live the way he desires.

Don’t let your love be the cage that will stop him from flying.

Go and open the door for him so he can roam the world,

and if you two are meant to be,

he will know his way back to you.

Until time shows you what’s meant to be and what’s not,

let him go.

He’s not yours and you are not his.

You don’t own each other because love is freedom,

happiness,

and kindness.

Go build your own home now and decorate it with flowers.

Set yourself free and let yourself be as well.

You deserve to be and you deserve to taste joy and comfort.

I beg you to stop serving yourself the plate of misery.

Although you don’t realize it, part of your misery is refusing to let go,

you’re still clinging to him like a mother clinging to her own baby.

Love him, do not hate him,

but let him go, let him be.

Thank him for the experiences and lessons that you needed and then,

let him go, let him be.

All is happening for a reason,

you will soon see.