The night was young and so we were we. Stars hidden by clouds but there in the sky that was to be our palette of imagination bursting. So quick we are to taint what could be beautiful, so quick we are to judge and compare and destroy. The explosions were meant for the sky but they were happening around me. Clothe yourselves with compassion COL 3:12. I'm not religious but I recognize right from wrong. There's a place and a time to speak the truth from a biased opinion and a subliminal annoyance to anyone that would listen, but this was neither the place nor the time, but most importantly not the company. If there was less of what was wrong and more of what was right the world wouldn't need pyrotechnical synthetics to make it pretty. When did it become okay to turn a simple social gathering into an evening much like a support group for discussing, most nonchalantly, what can only be described as "deflection of what I did wrong and now I'm going to point out how I don't care"? I'm sorry but this support group needs to be held in a carnie hall of mirrors, the counsellor being a clown. The night was escaping as fast as we were growing older and uglier. If someone is happy, let them be. I've learnt that much in my twenty-six years of life and lessons experienced. Whether it's at your own minimal sacrifice or not, it won't change them in their euphoric state of happiness. There is very little one can do to restrict the happiness of another. Should you try to bring them down from their perceived cloud they will resent you and it will become a bunker of fireworks with the only escape being self implosion. Let it be.
Now I preach these words but it is not my bible. Humans are not righteous. I get that people slip and slide into conversations and situations they would rather not choose to be in, in any other moment. I am no exception to this. Hindsight is a cruel reality check. It's remorseful and most times useless. I honestly feel like the only way to live life is in the exact moment you are in, but the key is to pre-meditate that you won't be the person you don't want to be. At this age one should have somewhat of an idea of who they want to be; how they want to act and where their heart, mind and soul shines. When someone else says you're in the clouds they don't understand that there are stars above what they see. It is their vision that is clouded and unless they have the patience and perseverance to make it through their view to understand yours - let them deflect.
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Crossroads suck big monkey balls. I've spent the last year down the one path, backing up to the the fork, only to repeat the same walk over the gravel, again and again. Running, skipping, cautiously crawling to the point of standing still. Not taking in the scenery, blinded by the thrill. At the fork again, trees tall, air ill and feet to ground my will. Stalled.
I'm at the point of losing my muse. Frailing that I won't find another. Inspiration. Substance. Momentarily. Taking the step is the hardest part, the direction doesn't matter as all roads are inevitably connected.
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