chocolate and wine

It starts with words, it ends with none.

We slow right down and be on our own.

 

 

 

I need your love
I need your time
When everything's wrong
You make it right
I feel so high
I come alive
I need to be free with you tonight
I need your love

I need your love

I take a deep breath every time I pass your door
I know you're there but I can't see you anymore
And that's the reason you're in the dark
I've been a stranger ever since we fell apart
And I feel so helpless here
Watch my eyes are filled with fear
Tell me do you feel the same
Hold me in your arms again

I need your love
I need your time
When everything's wrong
You make it right
I feel so high
I come alive
I need to be free with you tonight
I need your love

I need your love

Now I'm dreaming, will ever find you now?
I walk in circles but I'll never figure out
What I mean to you, do I belong
I try to fight this but I know I'm not that strong
And I feel so helpless here
Watch my eyes are filled with fear
Tell me do you feel the same
Hold me in your arms again

I need your love
I need your time
When everything's wrong
You make it right
I feel so high
I come alive
I need to be free with you tonight
I need your love

I need your love

All the years
All the times
You were never been to blame
And now my eyes are open
And now my heart is closing
And all the tears
All the lies
All the waste
I've been trying to make it change
And now my eyes are open

I need your love
I need your time
When everything's wrong
You make it right
I feel so high
I come alive
I need to be free

January begins

A month to go until my frontal lobe fuses, until I may or may not have a quarter life crisis and until I party like neither have happened. If you were to ask me a year ago if I would have a stable job, living out of home and writing about it, I would probably laugh and subsequently lie in the fetal position in the same room I had had since a spring chicken. Change is good. One of the first life lessons I learnt was "nothing stays the same."  I guess it had a different meaning back then, back when Kt.v lost their presenters, VHS tapes were distorted by decay and when the vaal river house was sold.

As much as I love adventure and travel on a worldly scale, moving 7minutes up the north coast seems to have hushed the screams from my meretricious travel bug. I get the drive that sets sail to your mind across the coastline. I get the windows down, salt on your skin happiness that takes me home. Can't say that I've completely seperated the surrealism from reality yet. It's like going on holiday at 5pm. Everyday. I fear for the amount of wine that will be consumed due to the revelers on the porch. The next couple of months will put me on the precipice of acute alcoholism. I have a pretty awesome support group though. They're enablers at the same time. Basically, the best of friends. Could not have asked to move in at a better time. New year, new job, new home, new leas on life. I wake up to summer and the orange light of sunrise bouncing off all the mirrored luster hanging in my room. Which is not the worst of ways to start a day. In fact, beyond the sarcasm, it's what sets me up to be happy all day long.

So, before my frontal lobe fuses to a rigid, responsible, simple - to the point of boring - 25 year old, I think it's safe to say I've eased into things/stuff/life in the best way possible. Some people grow up too quickly. Some people don't grow up at all. Some people wish and long for things that stem from jealousy and regret. I am genuinely okay with the way I have got to where I am right now. Content, happy and sitting on a wrap around porch in Umdloti. Happiness is. Plus wine.

“Maturity is when your world opens up and you realize that you are not the center of it.” 

                       - M.J. Croan